I've been waiting for some cosmic amazing epiphany to spark my writing again. But, honestly? My life doesn't allow for that kind of clarity these days. I'm consumed with the duties at hand and add a business to run on top of it and my brain looks a little bit like this:
How can I be a better mom?
What can I do to show these boys God's love and grace.
What is that he just stuck up his nose? (I digress...)
What I'm getting at is.... I've spent so much time agonizing about whether I'm doing a good enough job. Whether I'M good enough. Whether the mom next to me is doing it WAY better...
I forget to actually SEE what my boys are seeing and how they are loving life!
When I stopped to look, I realized... No. Life is not always perfect. Yes, we have days where my kids watch too much TV. We have regular battles over what to eat and when it's time to leave. I do not always have the correct "verbage" to make my emotional, strong-willed boys do what I want without a major reaction.
Guess what? THEY ARE STILL OK! No, they are GREAT! I have GREAT kids!
Because of one simple fact: The list of positives far exceeds that list of negatives.
But the point of all this rambling is to brag about one kid in particular today....
My firstborn son, Luke James.
If you know him... you know the personality on this little human is like no other! He greets everyone he meets (and promptly invites them to his next birthday party... even if it's 11 months away.)
He knows everything there is to know about animals. (Thanks 'Wild Kratts'.)
He also knows exactly what he wants at all times. And he has a hard time accepting things that aren't on his timeline.
He has BIG emotions and an even bigger imagination!
But he has also taught me a million things about being a parent. Firstborns will do that....
If I have ever second guessed myself about my abilities as a mother, it's usually because of a new challenge with this kid. If I have ever cried in the car after an embarrassing display of those BIG emotions, it's usually involving this guy.
But there is no other kid on Earth who will DAILY tell me I'm the BEST....and I'm Beautiful....and the BEST cook (Psshh... prove it, picky child!)
He is HAPPY. He totally approves of the life he's got!
Case in point: We had our very first parent/teacher conference last week. From the moment I got our appointment card I started sweating this meeting. Luke had already had some "moments" in the school year adjusting to silly things like "RULES". But we sit down with his (really great!) teacher and the only thing she says is... He's doing great! He is smart and exceeding all of the standards they expect for Early Kindergarten! He DOES have a lot to say, some of which can be distracting - which we're working on - but I kind of never want him to lose that! He may get picked on. He may be Senior Class President. Either way, there is no one like him. And I pray that he always knows that's okay! And I will ALWAYS have his back.
We are in new territory with Luke at all times. As he grows, we've never had a kid his age before! We are figuring it out. Some may think they know how to 'parent' him better. But God in His infinite wisdom (and humor) made RYAN AND I his parents. We must have just what he needs. And if not, we'll do what it takes to make it happen.
And I realized that we are SO lucky to have a kid like him to make sure we are FULLY aware of how he feels about how we're doing!
What a great adventure we're on...